


But I Did Take It to Heart

by chessy472003



Category: Produce 101 (TV), UNIQ (Band), UP10TION, VICTON (Band), X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Dohyon has the best hyungs, Dohyon needs to be protected, Eating Disorders, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Summaries, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Really bad at Tagging, Sad, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, based on their appearance on We K-Pop
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-04 15:20:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21199808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chessy472003/pseuds/chessy472003
Summary: After X1 appeared on We K-pop, Dohyon can't get what Seungwoo said out of his mind. It was just a game...but it didn't feel like just a game to him.“Why don’t you come jogging with me every night?”“Let’s go on a diet”“Don’t eat”He should always listen to his hyung, right? Maybe not this time.(Based on the Of Course game played on We K-Pop)Or, Dohyon develops an eating disorder because his hyung thinks he should lose weight.





	1. And So It Began

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warnings will be posted as the story progresses. If you see any mistakes, are uncomfortable with anything or just have criticism, don't hesitate to comment (you could also comment positively if you want).
> 
> Also, sorry for the short chapter. I wanted to get this out quickly before I change my mind.

X1 had just finished their final schedule of the day. They were guests on We K-pop, a variety program hosted by the comedian Kim Shinyoung, SF9’s Inseong and Seungmin from Stray Kids. They had a lot of fun but one of the games had struck a chord with some of the members.

They played the ‘Of Course’ game, a fun competition unless you got told something hurtful. Even when the opposing member said they didn’t mean it and that it was just a game, it still hurt the defending one. Which is why Seungwoo had announced that they would be having a brief group meeting when they got to the dorm after supper.

But currently, everyone was changing and taking off their makeup backstage before they would be boarding the bus that would take them to the nearest restaurant that could accommodate 9 young men, 3 slightly older men (Seungwoo, Seungyoun and Wooseok would refute that for sure) and their dozen or so staff.

“Finally, we can get some food! You must be happy Dohyon-ah” Hangyul said as a rough hand came and ruffled his hair. Dohyon looked up and flashed a bright grin towards his hyung and a quick nod before continuing to untie his shoes, this time faster than before. The promise of yummy food always lifted the maknae’s spirits. 

And so, you could say that he was very excited about supper. That was, until he remembered what his hyung had said earlier during the game about how he shouldn’t eat so much and needed to start dieting. His grin dropped almost instantly, and he suddenly wasn’t as eager to leave as he was a few seconds ago.

‘You should listen to your hyung, he knows what’s best for you.’ Dohyon thought as he finally got both of his shoes off. Now all he needed to do was get his makeup taken off as well as change his outfit, and then he could head for the bus. He could focus on what had been said to him on the ride to the restaurant. Right now, he just wanted to get the itchy makeup off his face.

Dohyon was the last one on the bus, and he could see that most of his members were conversing quietly as to not disturb Wooseok, Hyeongjun and Junho, both of whom had passed out as soon as they had gotten to their seats. He quietly, or as quietly as he could, walked to his seat in the back left corner (or right corner if you are sitting down). Eunsang, who had the two seats to his left, had decided to sit on the one furthest from him, so that he could talk to Yohan, who was the only other member in the back with them.  
The boy was grateful for the solitude as he could now think about his previous dilemma. 

‘’Should I lose weight?” Dohyon thought to himself as he looked out the window. The sun had set around an hour ago and it had begun to drizzle. He felt as bad as the weather looked, drear- “Yah, Dohyon-ah!” Dohyon turned his head around so fast that the members watching the scene flinched, including Seungwoo who was worried he might have gotten whiplash or pulled a neck muscle.

“What?’ He replied, wide eyed and confused. Seungwoo continued with an exasperated sigh “You shouldn’t say things like that! You don’t need to stop eating, I didn’t mean it. Hyung is stupid and is very sorry about what he said, okay?” If possible, his eyes got wider. Had he said his thoughts out loud? “Um, yes hyung…” His answer was drawn out with embarrassment and confusion; embarrassment at being called out as well as being stared at by everyone, and confusion as to why Seungwoo was apologizing since Dohyon thought that the man was in the right. 

“It was just a dumb game, don’t take it so seriously.” Minhee, who sat in front of him, responded with a scoff and roll of his eyes. Was he annoyed at Dohyon? Had he accidently made one of his hyungs mad? As he looked around, he saw that Wooseok was now awake and glaring at him. He must have been woken up by the leader calling him out from across the bus. 

Even Hangyul, someone who always was usually very happy, had his brows furrowed. He also looked mad. Was it at Dohyon too? How had he managed to irritate four, if not more, of his hyungs in such a short span? He needed to stop being so inconsiderate of his members, all of whom worked too hard and didn’t need a baby to take care of.

Dohyon sighed quietly, “I’m not, I was just thinking that It might benefit me to lose a few pounds before management forces me to go on a diet.” He hoped that his excuse would calm the others so that he could go back to his thoughts for the few minutes left until they would pull up to where they would be dining for the night. 

Seungyoun noticed their stop nearing, saw that their youngest was getting more uncomfortable as the topic was mentioned and decided to change the subject “Guys! We need to wake up the kids. We’re almost there.” 

Seungwoo sighed disappointedly and pointedly stared at Dohyon while uttering his next words “We are going to talk about this once we get back. All of us, no arguing.” No one refuted his words, knowing that arguing would just cause more trouble than necessary. “I don’t see why we even have to talk about it. It was for the show, nothing we said was serious” Great, now even Dongpyo, who had been quietly observing the scene unfold, was upset with him. Dohyon couldn’t seem to do anything but annoy them today.

The bus then stopped and everyone, including the slightly drowsy Hyeongjun and Junho, started getting up, excited about getting some food in their system after such a long day. The maknae avoided everyone’s eyes as they got out of the vehicle and shuffled behind the line of rowdy idols, most of whom had significantly perked up with the thought of a hot meal waiting for them inside. 

Maybe he could start dieting right now? Cutting his food portion, even just a little bit, would do him some good. God knows the stylists would be happy if they didn’t have to retailor his clothes all the time. Then, it’s decided. He wouldn’t eat as much tonight and no snacks when they got to the dorm, including his midnight snack before bed.  
‘‘I can do this, it won’t be too hard.’’ The youngster muttered to himself as one of their managers put their hand on his shoulder and directed him to the open door. He could smell the Samgyeopsal and the Japchae as soon as he passed through the door. He could totally do this, right?


	2. Spoke Too Soon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Just a heads up that this is roughly edited, so I'm sorry for the grammar mistakes. Also, I'm still fairly new to all of this, and I have been trying out new structures, so again, I apologize if the paragraphs look weird.

Dohyon sat at the far end of the table during supper, Seungyoun sitting in the available seat to his left. Hopefully, his hyungs would forget his words from the bus and not focus on his food intake. It may have seemed excessive, but the older members took the maknae line’s health very seriously. After all, they were all growing teenagers who needed to consume a lot of nutritious foods to grow up strong and healthy.

Dohyon knew it would be hard, surrounded by his 10 members, but he needed to be strong. He would just say he wasn’t hungry, even though he was practically starving. Was eating more important than listening to his leader? 

What kind of dongsaeng doesn’t listen to their hyung? 

“Dohyon-ah”

“Yes, Hangyul hyung?” Dohyon turned to his hyung, sitting diagonally from him.

“You weren’t responding, so we ordered you fried chicken.”

“Really? Thank you,” now, he couldn’t skip this meal. His hyungs were nice enough to order his favourite food and he would look extremely ungrateful if he didn’t eat what was given to him. Maybe he would just start his diet tonight. 

“Yes, that should be okay.”

“What should be okay?” Dohyon turned to Seungyoun, confused.

“What?”

“You said that it should be okay.” Had he voiced his thoughts again? What was up with him tonight?

“Oh, it’s nothing,” His hyung gave him a look showing that he didn’t believe him, “I was just talking to myself about…” He paused, trying to think of what he could say that wouldn’t sound like a lie, but he was getting frustrated over how pushy the hyung line was being today.

“About what?” Wooseok looked at him condescendingly, as though he was intellectually slow. That annoyed him beyond belief. He wasn’t a child and he didn’t need to answer to them. As much as they acted the part, they were not his parents. No, that role was left to the couple who has raised him. His hyungs were not his mother and father.

“None of your business!”

As soon as the words left his mouth, he deeply regretted it; Dohyon hadn’t meant to snap. He avoided eye contact, not wanting to see the hurt in Wooseok’s eyes. Instead, he could feel the eyes burning a hole in his skull.

“Yah! Don’t speak to us that way,” It wasn’t Wooseok’s voice this time, but Hangyul. “Show some respect, we’re older than you,” He did not look happy at all. “We are worried about you. The least you could do is apologize for being so rude.” At this point, everyone was watching the scene unfold.

“I’m sorry hyungs, my attitude was uncalled for,” He stood up and bowed at 90 degrees, still not making eye contact with anyone. It was quiet, the younger members feeling uncomfortable in the tense setting. As Dohyon sat down, the servers came over with their food. Everyone stayed silent for a second, not knowing what do to. 

The manager, having witnessed the dispute, quickly spoke up, “Eat up everyone! You worked hard today, so let’s all head to bed early today, alright?”

At his cue, the members slowly started to plate their food. Having forgotten how hungry they were until then, they started to practically inhale their food. Well, everyone apart from the maknae. Dohyon wasn’t feeling hungry at all anymore. Not even the smell and view of the fried chicken could change his mind, making him nauseous more than anything. He would not be able to hold down anything that he might have managed to force down his throat.

‘How could I be so rude and inconsiderate?’ His previously misplaced annoyance and frustration were now on himself. He could not believe that he had just done that, especially in a public setting, surrounded by their staff and managers. How embarrassed and disgusted he was with himself.

Thus, he simply sat there for the better part of the next hour, no one so much as batting an eyelash when he excused himself to the bathroom and stood up. The sound of his chair’s legs grinding against the floor echoed in the otherwise mute room; nothing being heard apart from the occasional scraping of the utensils across the metal dishes.

Sighing for what felt like the hundredth time that day, Dohyon made his way to the restroom dejectedly; steps slow, shuffling around the tables, customers, and workers to waste as much time as possible. Getting to his destination, weird noises could be heard coming from the room. Perhaps someone had gotten hurt? 

Opening the gender labeled door quietly, the maknae cautiously made his way inside, not recognizing anything that needed his immediate attention, and the strange sounds had stopped.

“Hello?”

There was some a sniffle, some shuffling, and a toilet flushing.  
Upon further inspection, he could make out someone in one of the stalls. The stranger froze for a moment, maybe trying to figure out what their next move would be.

“Are you sick? Do you need help?”

The guy let out a humorless chuckle.

“I don’t need help. I’m fine,” his voice was hoarse and raw. Dohyon couldn’t help but imagine that the voice belonged to an older man, someone who had smoked for many years since even before Dohyon himself had been alive.

“Um…can I help in any way?” he wasn’t sure what to do. If he didn’t offer his services, he would feel guilty, but the older man clearly didn’t want his or anyone else’s help. 

Instead of answering, the ahjussi exhaled deeply, cleared his throat, and unlocked the door. But what came out of that stall was not what Dohyon was expecting, at all.

A young man, in his early 20’s was stood in the spot where he assumed an old man was possibly sick. He was a handsome guy, could pass as an idol if he wanted to. The adult didn’t even spare him a glance, looking straight ahead into the decent sized mirror above the sinks. He watched as the stranger turned on the faucet, got some brown paper, wet it, and started dabbing around his mouth. There had been minimal, but still visible, evidence of his recent activities.

“Did you, like get sick? Puke?” the words had come out more as an accusation then he had meant them. The other glared at him through the mirror, offended by the question. 

“I like to think of it as getting rid of the garbage,” 

“Oh, so you made yourself get rid of the bad stuff? What was it?”

The stranger chuckled again, this time with an emotion that was hard to describe, as thought many different emotions were mixed together.

“Food”

What? How did that make any sense? Was food really garbage? He made himself throw up to get rid of it?

“I don’t understand.”

“Of course, you don’t. How old are you kid? I’m 25.”

“16, and my name is Dohyon,” the man hummed as if contemplating whether Dohyon was trustworthy or not.

“You can call me Chan hyung,” 

“Well hyung, how can food be that bad?”

Chan sighed, it seemed as though everyone was doing that lately, and bit his lip in contemplation. 

“If I- Do you really want to know?” of course he did! At this point, he was more curious than confused.

“Yes.”

“Well, by making myself throw up, I can get rid of the garbage, the food, in my system,” Chan took a second to gather his thoughts. “Food is garbage because it’s full of fat, calories, salt and artificial things that make you gain weight. So, if you get rid of it, then you won’t lose weight and might lose some.”

Dohyon kind of understood, but he still had one question.

“Why don’t you just diet? Wouldn’t it be easier?”

“Not when you have people watching you, making sure that you eat properly. This way, you can do it without anyone finding out.”

Maybe he should keep that in mind for the future, in case his hyungs made him stop dieting.

“Ahh, well it does mak-,” the younger was cut off by the door opening quickly, Eunsang coming into view with their manager in tow. Their eyes held relief, with a hint of stress.

“Dohyon-ah! We’ve been looking everywhere for you! We are leaving now,” at least Eunsang looked happier to see him than the rest of his members.

Dohyon started to leave but remembered that he had been in the middle of a conversation with someone. He turned to Chan, bowed, and said his goodbyes before following the others back to their table. It appeared that everyone else had already left the restaurant and were waiting on the bus.

He suddenly felt dejected. They hadn’t even bothered to wait for him. Although he believed to have deserved it, the action still hurt him.

With a deep exhale, the youngest silently followed the manager and his, now favourite, hyung outside. With a long ride ahead of them, he couldn’t wait to get back home.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy this story. I'm fairly new at writing so I apologize in advance if it's really bad.


End file.
